I remember asking a friend that before we had kids. She assured me that yes it was, but honestly all I saw was how exhausted parents are and how little “me” time they had. Then there were all the brats you see in stores and restaurants (you know what I’m talking about!) Not really convincing for me!
So why did we decide to have kids? Haha, the million dollar question. The summer I was pregnant with Ben I posted about not “needing” to have kids. Now that Mr. Ben is here though, can I just say I do need him. The whole “can’t imagine life without them” phrase is true. I wouldn’t say he completes me as a person, but being a parent has definitely opened up a new plane of existence and life experiences. That was one of the reasons we wanted kids…it’s a life experience we wanted. I also wanted family, the thought of a quiet house with empty rooms just seemed so lonely. Andy and I have a blast together and I love him so, so, so much but the thought of just the two of us forever seemed kind of off. As in, that’s it? There had to be something more, something else…new life, loud, crazy, smiley…the fun and connection of family.
I asked myself when I was 50, 60, 70…would I regret NOT having kids more than having them? For me, the answer was yes, I would regret missing out on the experience more if we’d chosen not to have them. And that’s what it all comes down to really, it’s a choice (although yes I know sometimes there are surprises and other times nothing is happening when you really want it to). For the most part, it’s a choice. Have kids, don’t have kids…you know yourself better than the MIL hinting at grandkids all the time or your buddy telling you that they ruin your life (which they don’t). Thankfully we’re not living in the 1940’s where it’s assumed you’ll get married and make babies. It’s a very personal decision.
I never understood the argument that people who choose not to have kids are being selfish. That just seems ridiculous, I think it’s more selfish to have kids. Did you read the above paragraphs? It’s all “I” this and “I want” that. By default I think you learn to become less selfish as you enter parenthood, after all it’s not about you anymore. I think the least selfish thing to do would be to adopt though, what an awesome gift to give to another little human!
The best way I can describe it is a roller coaster ride, the highs are higher but the lows are also lower. Some days it’s so much fun, everybody’s happy and I feel on top of the world. Some days I want it to be all about me again as I serve a drooly little person. The high-lows can also fluctuate from hour to hour and I can experience a whole range of emotions in just one day. That being said, I definitely believe children are a blessing. 18 months on the “other side” (and still trying to figure this thing out), but I don’t regret it. It’s a wild ride and definitely something I didn’t want to miss :)
ps – I don’t know where this post came from. A lot (and I mean a LOT) of friends are having babies this spring/summer and a few others have started talking about it. I guess I just needed to share :)
pps – Does anyone else think it’s weird the government gives you money for having a kid? I mean, I’m not complaining…but why should they be required to give me money just because I made a little person? Again…thankful, hello tax return…it’s just weird.
